Why I am Depressed

A Guest post by my own brother and fellow Hotspur fan, Royal P. Gordon IV:

The woes of being a Tottenham supporter are well documented but I feel compelled to explain why life seems a little bleaker after today. Birmingham are dirt. Nuff said. Birmingham is the Hillary Clinton of the Premier League...uglier than sin and for some reason people still seem to like them. Now lets discuss ole' Arry. I liked the starting 11. Very fluid with many attacking options. The game was going very well and I liked our style of play. It all went to hell when Harry subs out Defoe and throws out Robbie "Geritol" Keane. He has no legs anymore, he can't play in the midfield much less up top, and just bitches at the referee. He would be a good fit at Burnley right now. Jermaine was feeling it...don't ever sub Jermaine when he is feeling it! Why would you also sub Bentley when he is playing the game of his life? He hasn't played like that since he arrived and I think he has a decent chance of giving Aaron Lennon a run for his money! Harry, please don't ever use Jenas as a sub ever again! He is not a game changer.

Now let's discuss old Eidur Gudjohnsen. He is one lazy mother and we already have too many strikers. I have no idea what we are thinking. Gylfi...you know I speak the truth. Here is another piece of madness: Younes Kaboul!!! Sure he is doing OK at Portsmouth but that is because he is king of the retards there. We have more kick ass defenders right now than we know what to do with (even though they love to give up goals in f'ing stoppage time!). Younes can't attack either.

Hmmm, Tottenham has me down and it is snowing like a Head and Shoulders commercial outside. I am going to get drunk. I had a couple of glasses of wine with lunch and it felt European and quite relaxing. My wife gave me a weird look but she is cool with it...I think. If it ain't broke, don't fix it I say so I will try to ride the buzz out till the snow stops. This is what Spurs does to me. I like to treat depression the old fashioned way...no Zoloft or Cymbalta for me, just a couple of fingers of bourbon sprinkled over 3 or 4 rocks (doctor's orders). One more talking point...I think bourbon gives me IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). I really love bourbon but am I willing to struggle on the john for it. I'm out. Come on you Spurs!!!