Tottenham Going Forward

Huddlestone kind of looked like fat Ronaldo last season. What an amazing gut! Un-fucking-believable. All I had to do was search "fat Tom Huddlestone."

Earlier in the season I wrote about moving Bale into the left midfield when Assou-Ekotto came back from injury. I can't tell you how much it pleased me to see Harry do just that in the Fulham game. I understand we were fortunate to pull out a scoreless draw and didn't create many chances, but I feel this is something that can work. You can't pin the lack of offense on Bale. Even Harry went so far as to praise his efforts and commented that he could become one of the premier left-sided talents in the world. Give this another go and let Bale get accustomed to the position, Harry.

So where exactly can we improve? I just don't think Tom Huddlestone (yet) or Jenas can take this team to the next level. T-Hudd has come a long way over this season. I have seen him work harder and his passing is top-class. He has a cannon for a right foot, but he is just too slow still. If only we could give him Jenas's athleticism, then he would be the player we could revolve around. Jenas has a knack for playing uninspired and the fans obviously feel he hasn't put in the effort to reach his full potential. How else can you explain him not having a song despite his long service to the club and heroic moments against Arsenal? You need a player that is totally committed to giving his all. I will always remember that goal against Arsenal in the Carling Cup semifinal second leg two seasons ago. If it was up to me, I would have given you 3 songs in memory of that epic run and finish at the far post, Jenas. Overall though, I like Harry's selection of T-Hudd. Just make his ass run off 8 lbs. before next season. That has to help his quickness, right?

I would like to see Modric or Kranjcar play more in the center role before ruling them out. Modric is so crafty, but also so lightweight. Niko appears to have the T-Hudd syndrome of big feet. He did play the role well at Portsmouth, but again, it doesn't prove he can take us to the next level. Shit, Jamie O'Hara is doing a commendable job over there right now. The team isn't nearly on the same level as it was when Kranjcar played, but you get my point. As for Palacios, everyone knows where I stand. Never leave Wilson, never leave. Your effort alone is capable of taking this club anywhere. Let me see more of Modric or Kranjcar in the center mid spot while T-Hudd and Jenas recover. Here is the formation I want to see in the upcoming matches:

Gomes

Corluka--Dawson--Bassong--BAE

Modric--Palacios--Kranjcar--Bale

Pav--Defoe

Palacios would play deeper in center midfield allowing Kranjcar to venture farther forward.

Just a quick story from the Fulham game: Dawson tries to lead the team out of the tunnel onto the pitch to warm up. Most likely Gomes holds the rest of the team back and Daws ends up running out by himself not realizing everyone else hasn't gone. He runs over to the supporters a good 50 yards trying to pump them up, then turns to celebrate with the squad, only to find them doubled over in the tunnel laughing. Not bad at all...

My Apologies and an Ode to Donovan

I must apologize for my lack of posts recently. The Navy has decided to put me at work flying twice a day for the past couple of weeks and I took a cross country this weekend to the West Coast. I have neglected my most important job, bitching about Tottenham. A funny thing happened when I stopped posting however...we started winning. Do I feel bad posting and possibly ending the streak? Not really. This streak isn't going to end any time soon. I can see the FA Cup final and Champions League football on the horizon. Half of our team had the flu in the Everton game, and we still gutted out the win. This is an omen. It has been several seasons since the infamous Lasagna gate incident where we needed a win against West Ham to secure fourth and crack the Champions League and our squad was poisoned by someone. All fingers point to the scum, Arsenal, who somehow managed to sneak into the fourth spot we left open. My conspiracy theory places Osama bin Laden as the main culprit. How in the hell can you support a team that has bin Laden as a supporter? I mean, shit, you might as well root for Mexico and Virginia Tech while you're at it. Back to the subject at hand....Spurs are headed for great things. Not even sneaky viruses can keep us down anymore.

I want to take this moment to send an ode out to Landon Donovan. I felt that the US wouldn't have even qualified for the World Cup without him. While the rest of the squad was inconsistent, he was a rock and offensive genius throughout qualifying. This alone would have put him on my Mt. Rushmore of favorite people, but after missing the wide open goal against Spurs, he has now deified himself. All the guy does are things that benefit me. How in the world did he miss? I've looked at it from every angle and it's just puzzling. It was his dominant foot at the far post without a defender providing pressure on his back. This is the type of miss that could just send Landon reeling. Everyone knows he is sensitive and has a tough time when the heat is turned up. He didn't do much in the Netherlands game today, which was his first game since the miss. It's a bad sign. Keep an eye on this fragile little boy just crumbling under a lack of confidence. Just so you know, I hope he doesn't fall apart. I'm all America people.

Onto Super Pav...The last time I can remember a player so far in the doghouse, only to prove all the doubters wrong on his return, was David Beckham at Real Madrid. Capello had completely written him off when Beckham turned Madrid's season around and led them to the La Liga title. Like Beckham, Pav was being shown the door earlier in the season but somehow managed to pull a 180. The signs were there that Pav would be given a chance when Harry let Keano head to Celtic, but no one could have foreseen Pav's rich vein of form. It's always difficult to judge how much other players like each other, but it is obvious Pav is not only a fan favorite, but a fan in the locker room. When someone scores, the team is excited for obvious reasons, but pay attention a little closer to the celebration. Pav is absolutely mauled every time he puts one in. Bale and Corluka nearly ran him over in the Wigan game. The players celebrate his goals as if they scored. I have watched a lot of goals and celebrations this season, and Pav's are easily the happiest and most fun to watch. He has become the catalyst the team needed to kick start the second half of the season. Keep scoring you Russian.

Here is the picture of Wayne Bridge's dirty pirate hooker of an ex-girlfriend. As an American fan, she should be commended for tearing apart the English dressing room. Only a woman can have such a negative impact on morale...

New Guest Blogger- Lukas

I wanted to introduce a new guest blogger to the many readers of the blog. I have brought in Luke Winter to bring a new outlook into the Premiership and life. Luke and I played on the club soccer team at UVA together and was also my big brother during my brief stay in the fraternity which shall not be named. I am honored to present the first of his many contributions below:

Greetings fellow bloggers, soccer fanatics, cool people, and Rob Gordon. While contemplating the topic of this finest guest appearance, I decided why limit myself? This is the world of sports as I see it…in 3s.

3 things to stay to NBC executives about their coverage of the Olympics. 1. You have vastly overestimated my willingness to watch curling and women’s ice hockey. Curling is OK for 30 mins every 4 years. Women’s hockey is never OK. 2. No matter how many times you tell me that an ice skating couple are a couple outside of the rink, I will never believe it. 3. Women’s hockey is NEVER OK!

3 worst dressed Premier League players. 1. Roman Pavlyuchenco – who ever wears long sleeves with thumb-holes cut in them? Goths wearing fishnet shirts and Spurs rejects. 2. Pascal Chimbonda – am I the only one tired of seeing him prance around in ballet tights under his shorts? Is he really not man enough to expose the middle 6 inches of his legs to the 30 degree England winter? 3. Fabien Barthez – This spot is reserved for any player who pulls his socks up over his knees. Barthez just happened to be the first that came to mind (Henry too, though neither play in Prem. now).

(No, it was not a coincidence that two of the aforementioned players donned Spurs jerseys.)

3 worst off field decisions. 1. Tiger…nuff said. 2. John Terry – that underwear model may look good with the airbrush of the magazines, but she’s got some great “but-her-face” potential. 3. John Daly – even though he lost over 100 lbs and isn’t drinking as much and may actually have added 20 years back onto his life, I can’t help but notice that he is decidedly less funny. Nobody cares if a skinny white guy goes onto a golf course and hits the ball hard. It’s only entertaining if he’s fat, swearing, smoking a cig, and drinking a beer.

3 predictions for rest of season. 1. Liverpool will take 4th . I know Rob disagrees, but the squad is just too deep and Man City has no defense. When Torres and Gerrard are back playing well, they’ll shoot back up. Though I hate to admit it, status quo will stay. 2. Someone on Real Madrid will speak out publicly about how selfish Ronaldo is…big shocker. He’d rather take a left footed backheel on goal from 30 yds than pass to a teammate. 3. An Englishman will be the leading scorer for the first time since Shearer. This will only heighten the level of cockiness coming from the potbellied English fan with yellow teeth in time for England to make their traditional World Cup exit in the Quarterfinals because he’s too tired from playing every game for Man U…while the USA march on!!!

-Luke

Negrodamus

I shit you not, this was Bobby Zamora's girlfriend. The blog has needed a babe on it for a while. This is really overdue.


A certain reader of the blog has recently come out with some outlandish statements concerning the end of the season Premiership table. His comments have forced me to make some predictions of my own: Tottenham will take home sixth and lose in the FA Cup final to Manchester City. You may ask why I don't have us finishing any better or taking home the Cup. Let me explain...I would love to predict us finishing in the top 4 and bringing another trophy back to White Hart Lane more than anything. I would also like to make sweet, sweet love to Miley Cyrus, but I have to be prudent. She's seventeen until November so I must bide my time. This same theory applies to Tottenham. I must wait until Harry has had at least one more summer transfer market to make the necessary moves for this team to crack the top 4. We just aren't ready yet. The push this season has been exciting and brought me more joy than I can remember, but it just isn't going to happen. Liverpool and Manchester City will finish above us. Man City will be the ones to claim the final Champions League spot with Liverpool finally dropping out. This could be the beginning of the end for Liverpool. Without the Champs League money, Gillette/Hicks will be in an awful position financially and I find it hard to believe they won't be forced into selling a few of their best assets. After watching our two games against Aston Villa, we are easily the better squad. The results didn't show that, but it's true. They will take seventh with Everton and Fulham behind.

My cousin predicts Everton and Fulham to climb ahead of Tottenham. Let me counter that almost insane prophecy. Both clubs are in the Europa League. What does that mean? It means a lot of traveling to far away places and playing more matches with squads getting thinner and thinner. Everton just lost Fellaini and will soon lose Donovan. Both players have been instrumental in their recent success. Everton is better prepared to handle injuries than Fulham. Fulham is still alive in the FA Cup as well. You know you are in a bad spot when you are hoping Danny Murphy stays healthy. How in the hell are they doing so well with him pulling the strings in midfield? Is Fulham where former Spurs flops go to revive their career. Zamora, Murphy, Davies, Kelly???? Shit, even Konchesky suited up for us for a brief time. I digress...Both clubs are too far down the table and both have European matches hanging over their heads. They don't have the squads to make the huge push it would take.

So here it is, my top 10 at the end of the season. It looks almost identical to how the table looks now:

Chelski
Manure
ARSEnal
Money Bags Man City
GoodbyeTrophiesAndChampionsLeaguePool
Tottenham
Aston Villians
Donovanton
Tottenham's Second Squad
Just Plain Boring as Shit Birmingham

A Brother's Rant on Champions League

Not to be bitter about our latest string of results but here is some food for thought. I am not really sure I want Spurs to be in the Champions League if it means I have to listen to that damned Champions League song when I watch them. What an asinine song! This must be a European thing but they don't even play their national anthems before games...they just play that stupid song that is some boys' choir repeating the word "champions." I don't particularly reach for a Heineken when I need my thirst quenched but when I was in France on business, I actually found it to taste better than the import we get over here. No mas! I am going to boycott Heineken until that get that f'ing song off their commercials. Hmmm, now that I think about it, that Heineken commercial with the walk-in closet full of beer was actually pretty good but I don't think I am going to drink Heineken anyway...unless it is the only beer available wherever I go. As I watch Sky Sports News I see that Everton's Fellaini just got the same ankle injury that Robin Van Persie has...I wonder if Fellaini is going to rub horse placenta on his ankle!

One more Spurs thought...Ledley King needs to be put down and Sebastian Bassong needs to come back. One more thought...I do think Arry's current tax problems are affecting his coaching decisions. Discuss...

-Royal Polk Gordon IV

Official Censure

After jinxing the team, I have now placed myself on official censure for the next 4 days. I blame myself for the team's performances of late and my comments have only fueled the other teams' fire.

Wolverhampton

Ok ok, I was wrong about Palacios scoring but let me explain what went wrong. I revealed my relevation about Palacios to my cousin Will around 9:30 am. It was a full two hours before the Aston Villa match. I received a text back a few minutes later declaring that he would rather have Jozy Altidore score. Within the next 10 minutes, Altidore buried one. So...instead of Palacios obliging Will, Altidore stood up and stole Will's request. I can't be faulted for that.

As for the game tomorrow, Spurs 3-1. The odds of us using a sub: 1 to 1.

An Engagement and a Prophecy

I know this might seem like a crazy thing to say 2 hours before kickoff, but Wilson Palacios will score this afternoon against Aston Villa. I had this epiphany three days ago but I didn't know whether to release it to the world or not. After getting a call late last night from my cousin Will announcing his engagement, I now know my hunch is a certainty. Palacios will know about this engagement because he is one of my biggest readers and also knows he will be letting me down if he doesn't deliver. Palacios always delivers...

I am actively trying to bring cousin Will on board to make some guest posts. This is my first mention of him on the blog, so I will give a quick introduction. He was a former starlet of the Richmond Strikers, who opted to play other sports instead of focusing on soccer around age 13. He is famous within the family for producing a moment of magic during Christmas 2008 with the "Knuckler Heard Around the World." It is common for our family to break out a volleyball before Christmas dinner and fire set pieces at each other. I don't remember the exact buildup because I was the victimized goalie but I do know the ferociousness of the drive. It was pretty much a carbon copy of Benoit Assou Ekotto's strike against Liverpool earlier this season. The strike was a glimpse of the type of player he could've been had he stayed focused on the beautiful game. Will currently resides in DC supporting Fulham in the Premiership, Reading in the Championship, Charlton in League One, Macclesfield in League Two, and VT-22 in La Liga Kingsville. I am now expecting a guest post within the next two days Will...

Right Back Questions and Answers

Yesterday, I was shocked to discover Spurs had loaned out Kyle Naughton (21 years old) after loaning out Alan Hutton. I had initially said Naughton would be Corluka's cover the rest of the season, but that apparently isn't the case. Some of my questions were answered and others raised today though when Redknapp recalled Kyle Walker (19 years old) from Sheffield United. He has made 28 appearances in the Championship and FA Cup this season at right back and will now slot into the backup role. We bought Walker and Naughton together from United, but then turned around and immediately loaned Walker right back to them. Naughton on the other hand played a couple games for us, but didn't do enough to see more time especially with the quality players ahead of him. Sheffield United had wanted us to loan Naughton back to them all season since he was riding the pine, but in the closing minutes of the transfer market, we turned around and loaned him to Middlesbrough. Not only that, but then we exercised our option to recall Walker back for the second half of the season 50 minutes before the deadline. It certainly sounds like a slap in the face to Sheffield. They end up losing out on both Naughton and Walker.

I obviously haven't seen much of Walker, but I am thoroughly confused by Harry's dealings. Naughton is listed as an attacking right back but can also play centrally. It could be a case of Walker being a more natural right back and with the addition of Kaboul, Naughton would be pushed down the center back pecking order. It could be that Harry wants to see Walker's talent mix in with our current squad or that Naughton's progress was being hampered by not seeing first team action. The logical thing from my standpoint would be to retain Naughton and let Walker finish out the season with Sheffield United. I would love to start a rumor that Kevin Blackwell (United's manager) lost a bet to Redknapp, won't pay up, so Harry has begun retribution. Harry has taken both of their prize defensive prospects away from them to end their push for promotion to the Premiership. Is it really that far fetched?

Thoughts on Birmingham and Huge Moves

I've taken the necessary amount of time to cool off and give some game analysis. I was extremely disappointed at throwing away two points in stoppage time. The biggest difference between Tottenham and the Chelskis and Manures is the fact that those teams grind out the wins and put scrappy teams like Birmingham away. I have a lot of trouble watching Birmingham play with their organized, compact defensive style. I hate them, but Goddamnit do I respect them. Alex McLeish knows the team and has them play to their strengths. Their league standing is not a fluke. If you can be sound defensively, you can stay in games and scrap points against anyone especially with the pace of their two strikers in Chucho and Cameron Jerome. Mark my words, if Chucho finds some sort of scoring touch, he could become a hell of a striker. His nickname in his home country is Chunky which I love even more. Keep eating those Shepards Pies fatty. As for our squad, Gareth Bale was again the most impressive player on the pitch. He helped create the goal and his runs down the left caused trouble all day. Bentley and Palacios worked hard and played well. Our goal was vintage Defoe. He sees the ball, he smashes the ball. He didn't do shit for 68 minutes and then pops up to blast one home.

There was a lot of moaning from a certain family member of mine about Harry's substitutions. I will counter his view. Bringing on Keane for Defoe was the right move. Defoe had already picked up a yellow card and has a penchant for losing his mind. Keano works harder defensively and adds more grit to the team. We didn't need another goal. We needed possession and hard work up top which Robbie always brings. You can say what you want about his form lately, but you can never question his work ethic on the pitch. As for Jenas, I would have liked to have seen young Danny Rose come on instead. The kid is quicker than snot and would be pumped to run around for ten minutes. Jenas is pissed coming off the bench. The youngster would do everything in his power to show Harry he was an asset. Just watching Jenas lately, it looks like he has already checked out of a Spurs uniform.

For the first time in a while, I actually agreed with the commentator's reasons for giving up the goal. Fact is, we sat too deep, invited them in, and then paid a cruel price for it. We lost two points and now teeter on the brink of a Champions League spot.

Onto the future....Keano is gone for the rest of the season on loan to Celtic. I had mentioned last week that I had been tipped off about a possible Robbie move, but I am still surprised. What does this mean? It could very well mean Pav stays. I honestly wouldn't mind seeing more of him. His finish in the Leeds game last week and the finish against West Ham last year showed his quality. I think Harry felt obligated to play Keane at times this season. It's obvious Harry doesn't have that problem with Pav. We knew one striker would head out with the acquisition of Gudjohnsen but it wasn't the one I expected.

Tottenham also sent Alan Hutton on loan to Sunderland. One thing Harry doesn't appreciate is boozers. By getting rid of Hutton and Keane, our alcohol consumption has been cut by 83%. Of the 83%, Hutton was responsible for 75%. This was the same guy who got plastered with his family in a pub in Scotland, got into a verbal altercation with his father, and then proceeded to punch his father in the face while his father was wearing glasses. If Sunderland wants a psycho, they got it. We have another young right back to fill his back up spot in Kyle Naughton, so its not a big loss. Corluka will remain our first choice.

We picked up Kaboul again. It seems like we get rid of players only to buy them back at a higher price. It's not exactly what we call good business tactics, but fuck it, its Tottenham, and normal doesn't apply to us. My brother is furious with this, but I'm not so downtrodden. Woodgate is out for another decade. King has a left knee that looks like a 36C cup after a game. We don't have any consistently healthy center backs except Dawson and Bassong (knock on wood). If one of them went down, we are proper fucked. We paid a high price for insurance essentially. Shitty insurance to be exact, but it still plugs a necessary hole. I don't want to see Corluka or Huddlestone at center back again. You see my point.

If any other transfer moves go down, I'll be sure to keep you posted. As always....COYS.