Rip Gordon or Champions League/FA Cup?

So what went wrong on Saturday? The first thing was the absence of a ton of key players and just a poor team selection. I wanted to see Bale at left back and Modric in the left midfield. BAE just seems to be a liability right now. Every time someone gets in behind him, I hold my breath because it looks like he is going to trip them up everytime. He reminds me of Silvestre in that respect. What a terrible player Silvestre was and still is. I can't think of a more overrated player. In the middle, I wanted Krancjar and Palacios with Crouch and Pav up front. The team put out in that first half played terribly and were severely outplayed.

Many people have been asking who Walker is. Harry bought him in the summer from Sheffield United and then loaned him back to the club for the first half of the season. I felt he has put in respectable performances for being thrust right into the starting lineup after the loss of Corluka to injury. The boy tries to get forward and works hard getting back. You can tell that he isn't comfortable yet though. Corluka's positioning is what Walker needs to learn. I'm going to reserve more judgment on him until he gets a few more games in. He was awfully unfortunate to give up that penalty by the way. Can't fault him for being unlucky.

I have a theory on why Tottenham lost this past weekend that doesn't involve the actual team, but rather my own brother, Rip Gordon. He has spent the past month and a half in the Orient helping train other squadrons for their upcoming deployment. Anyway...his departure was aligned with a run of good performances that doesn't come around very often. He arrived back in the States on Friday afternoon just in time to be fresh for the Saturday match against Sunderland. After five straight league wins, what happened? A loss, and not just a little loss. It was a loss in which we were badly outplayed. Coincidence? I think not. I don't know what kind of negative mojo he has, but when he couldn't follow Spurs, the club couldn't perform better. He returns, and the team gets demolished. This situation puts me in a very awkward position. Do I insist on him leaving again? After thinking it over for the past day and a half, the answer is yes, at least until the end of the season. All I'm asking for is a month and a half. A month and a half and we would have a Champions League spot next year and the FA Cup title. Don't be selfish Rip, do the right thing. Take Becky on a long vacation and I'll let you know when you can come back.

Clinging On, For Now at Least

I can't remember a Spurs team that has been so ravaged by injuries. Typically any team will lose 3 or 4 guys at any given time. Unfortunately, Tottenham now has Woodgate, King, Jenas, Huddlestone, Lennon, Bentley, and Defoe all out. We just received a boost today with the news that Pav suffered from muscle spasms as opposed to a muscle tear so he might be back for the weekend match against Portsmouth. We needed that badly. I really wish we had Keane and O'Hara back now, but hindsight is 20/20. Harry understands the transfer market and loaning out those two kept their transfer value high. The importance of a deep squad cannot be understated at the end of a season when each game is so important. We have fourth place and a date in the FA Cup semifinal in our sights. Without the immergence of Bale, Krancjar, Pav, and most recently Gudjohnsen, this wouldn't be possible.

Not all is sunshine and flowers at White Hart Lane however. There was a sight last weekend that was very troubling to see. Benoit Assou-Ekotto and Charlie Corluka got into it during the second half against Stoke that needed Stoke's forward Ricardo Fuller to break things up. It almost reminded me of the Dyer-Bowyer Newcastle fight from a couple years back. In my opinion, BAE is crazy to begin with. He got into it with a supporter earlier this season, and now this. How can you possibly get angry with Corluka? He seems like the nicest guy on the team. Then he gives up a penalty minutes later! Rip him a new one, Harry.

I'm taking a nap now. I'll finish this up later.

The Fight for Fourth and Advice for Palacios

How about them Spurs? Despite all of the injuries, we have managed yet another win. I would have been extremely disappointed had we lost at home to Blackburn. Pav just keeps on scoring. Joe Jordan, our assistant, has come out and said there is still a spot in the squad for Keane and that he will definitely be returning next season. I can tell you how this is going to play out in one of two ways. Defoe will be sold for upwards of 30 million pounds or Celtic ends up ponying up the transfer fee we demand for Keane. There is just one too many roosters in the hen house. I don't even want to think about Pav being on the way out. He is quality. I love his left footed finishes. He always seems to create just enough space for himself to get off an accurate shot. Harry...sell Keano, keep the others. You hate drinkers, and despite what you said, you hate that he corrupted everyone on the Christmas party to London. By the way, who doesn't allow a team Christmas party with a little booze? I would want to leave Spurs, too. Harry claimed that "you don't put diesel in a Ferrari" when asked why he is so against his players drinking. You are paying them upwards of 60,000 pounds a week and they are surrounded by babes. Why not just ask them to quit masterbating while you are at it. Try telling an 18 year old sailor not to buy a BMW. It's just not happening.

In other news, Palacios has come out and said he would love to play for Real Madrid at some point. Here is a piece of advice, Wilson. Never leave a good time looking for a good time. You are cult hero at Spurs, and you would never be fully appreciated there. Look at how they ran Makelele out after everything he did for them. You are basically a spitting image of Makelele. They want superstars and flash, not hard working midfielders who send too many errant passes downfield. Stick with us, buddy.

Tottenham Going Forward

Huddlestone kind of looked like fat Ronaldo last season. What an amazing gut! Un-fucking-believable. All I had to do was search "fat Tom Huddlestone."

Earlier in the season I wrote about moving Bale into the left midfield when Assou-Ekotto came back from injury. I can't tell you how much it pleased me to see Harry do just that in the Fulham game. I understand we were fortunate to pull out a scoreless draw and didn't create many chances, but I feel this is something that can work. You can't pin the lack of offense on Bale. Even Harry went so far as to praise his efforts and commented that he could become one of the premier left-sided talents in the world. Give this another go and let Bale get accustomed to the position, Harry.

So where exactly can we improve? I just don't think Tom Huddlestone (yet) or Jenas can take this team to the next level. T-Hudd has come a long way over this season. I have seen him work harder and his passing is top-class. He has a cannon for a right foot, but he is just too slow still. If only we could give him Jenas's athleticism, then he would be the player we could revolve around. Jenas has a knack for playing uninspired and the fans obviously feel he hasn't put in the effort to reach his full potential. How else can you explain him not having a song despite his long service to the club and heroic moments against Arsenal? You need a player that is totally committed to giving his all. I will always remember that goal against Arsenal in the Carling Cup semifinal second leg two seasons ago. If it was up to me, I would have given you 3 songs in memory of that epic run and finish at the far post, Jenas. Overall though, I like Harry's selection of T-Hudd. Just make his ass run off 8 lbs. before next season. That has to help his quickness, right?

I would like to see Modric or Kranjcar play more in the center role before ruling them out. Modric is so crafty, but also so lightweight. Niko appears to have the T-Hudd syndrome of big feet. He did play the role well at Portsmouth, but again, it doesn't prove he can take us to the next level. Shit, Jamie O'Hara is doing a commendable job over there right now. The team isn't nearly on the same level as it was when Kranjcar played, but you get my point. As for Palacios, everyone knows where I stand. Never leave Wilson, never leave. Your effort alone is capable of taking this club anywhere. Let me see more of Modric or Kranjcar in the center mid spot while T-Hudd and Jenas recover. Here is the formation I want to see in the upcoming matches:

Gomes

Corluka--Dawson--Bassong--BAE

Modric--Palacios--Kranjcar--Bale

Pav--Defoe

Palacios would play deeper in center midfield allowing Kranjcar to venture farther forward.

Just a quick story from the Fulham game: Dawson tries to lead the team out of the tunnel onto the pitch to warm up. Most likely Gomes holds the rest of the team back and Daws ends up running out by himself not realizing everyone else hasn't gone. He runs over to the supporters a good 50 yards trying to pump them up, then turns to celebrate with the squad, only to find them doubled over in the tunnel laughing. Not bad at all...

My Apologies and an Ode to Donovan

I must apologize for my lack of posts recently. The Navy has decided to put me at work flying twice a day for the past couple of weeks and I took a cross country this weekend to the West Coast. I have neglected my most important job, bitching about Tottenham. A funny thing happened when I stopped posting however...we started winning. Do I feel bad posting and possibly ending the streak? Not really. This streak isn't going to end any time soon. I can see the FA Cup final and Champions League football on the horizon. Half of our team had the flu in the Everton game, and we still gutted out the win. This is an omen. It has been several seasons since the infamous Lasagna gate incident where we needed a win against West Ham to secure fourth and crack the Champions League and our squad was poisoned by someone. All fingers point to the scum, Arsenal, who somehow managed to sneak into the fourth spot we left open. My conspiracy theory places Osama bin Laden as the main culprit. How in the hell can you support a team that has bin Laden as a supporter? I mean, shit, you might as well root for Mexico and Virginia Tech while you're at it. Back to the subject at hand....Spurs are headed for great things. Not even sneaky viruses can keep us down anymore.

I want to take this moment to send an ode out to Landon Donovan. I felt that the US wouldn't have even qualified for the World Cup without him. While the rest of the squad was inconsistent, he was a rock and offensive genius throughout qualifying. This alone would have put him on my Mt. Rushmore of favorite people, but after missing the wide open goal against Spurs, he has now deified himself. All the guy does are things that benefit me. How in the world did he miss? I've looked at it from every angle and it's just puzzling. It was his dominant foot at the far post without a defender providing pressure on his back. This is the type of miss that could just send Landon reeling. Everyone knows he is sensitive and has a tough time when the heat is turned up. He didn't do much in the Netherlands game today, which was his first game since the miss. It's a bad sign. Keep an eye on this fragile little boy just crumbling under a lack of confidence. Just so you know, I hope he doesn't fall apart. I'm all America people.

Onto Super Pav...The last time I can remember a player so far in the doghouse, only to prove all the doubters wrong on his return, was David Beckham at Real Madrid. Capello had completely written him off when Beckham turned Madrid's season around and led them to the La Liga title. Like Beckham, Pav was being shown the door earlier in the season but somehow managed to pull a 180. The signs were there that Pav would be given a chance when Harry let Keano head to Celtic, but no one could have foreseen Pav's rich vein of form. It's always difficult to judge how much other players like each other, but it is obvious Pav is not only a fan favorite, but a fan in the locker room. When someone scores, the team is excited for obvious reasons, but pay attention a little closer to the celebration. Pav is absolutely mauled every time he puts one in. Bale and Corluka nearly ran him over in the Wigan game. The players celebrate his goals as if they scored. I have watched a lot of goals and celebrations this season, and Pav's are easily the happiest and most fun to watch. He has become the catalyst the team needed to kick start the second half of the season. Keep scoring you Russian.

Here is the picture of Wayne Bridge's dirty pirate hooker of an ex-girlfriend. As an American fan, she should be commended for tearing apart the English dressing room. Only a woman can have such a negative impact on morale...

New Guest Blogger- Lukas

I wanted to introduce a new guest blogger to the many readers of the blog. I have brought in Luke Winter to bring a new outlook into the Premiership and life. Luke and I played on the club soccer team at UVA together and was also my big brother during my brief stay in the fraternity which shall not be named. I am honored to present the first of his many contributions below:

Greetings fellow bloggers, soccer fanatics, cool people, and Rob Gordon. While contemplating the topic of this finest guest appearance, I decided why limit myself? This is the world of sports as I see it…in 3s.

3 things to stay to NBC executives about their coverage of the Olympics. 1. You have vastly overestimated my willingness to watch curling and women’s ice hockey. Curling is OK for 30 mins every 4 years. Women’s hockey is never OK. 2. No matter how many times you tell me that an ice skating couple are a couple outside of the rink, I will never believe it. 3. Women’s hockey is NEVER OK!

3 worst dressed Premier League players. 1. Roman Pavlyuchenco – who ever wears long sleeves with thumb-holes cut in them? Goths wearing fishnet shirts and Spurs rejects. 2. Pascal Chimbonda – am I the only one tired of seeing him prance around in ballet tights under his shorts? Is he really not man enough to expose the middle 6 inches of his legs to the 30 degree England winter? 3. Fabien Barthez – This spot is reserved for any player who pulls his socks up over his knees. Barthez just happened to be the first that came to mind (Henry too, though neither play in Prem. now).

(No, it was not a coincidence that two of the aforementioned players donned Spurs jerseys.)

3 worst off field decisions. 1. Tiger…nuff said. 2. John Terry – that underwear model may look good with the airbrush of the magazines, but she’s got some great “but-her-face” potential. 3. John Daly – even though he lost over 100 lbs and isn’t drinking as much and may actually have added 20 years back onto his life, I can’t help but notice that he is decidedly less funny. Nobody cares if a skinny white guy goes onto a golf course and hits the ball hard. It’s only entertaining if he’s fat, swearing, smoking a cig, and drinking a beer.

3 predictions for rest of season. 1. Liverpool will take 4th . I know Rob disagrees, but the squad is just too deep and Man City has no defense. When Torres and Gerrard are back playing well, they’ll shoot back up. Though I hate to admit it, status quo will stay. 2. Someone on Real Madrid will speak out publicly about how selfish Ronaldo is…big shocker. He’d rather take a left footed backheel on goal from 30 yds than pass to a teammate. 3. An Englishman will be the leading scorer for the first time since Shearer. This will only heighten the level of cockiness coming from the potbellied English fan with yellow teeth in time for England to make their traditional World Cup exit in the Quarterfinals because he’s too tired from playing every game for Man U…while the USA march on!!!

-Luke

Negrodamus

I shit you not, this was Bobby Zamora's girlfriend. The blog has needed a babe on it for a while. This is really overdue.


A certain reader of the blog has recently come out with some outlandish statements concerning the end of the season Premiership table. His comments have forced me to make some predictions of my own: Tottenham will take home sixth and lose in the FA Cup final to Manchester City. You may ask why I don't have us finishing any better or taking home the Cup. Let me explain...I would love to predict us finishing in the top 4 and bringing another trophy back to White Hart Lane more than anything. I would also like to make sweet, sweet love to Miley Cyrus, but I have to be prudent. She's seventeen until November so I must bide my time. This same theory applies to Tottenham. I must wait until Harry has had at least one more summer transfer market to make the necessary moves for this team to crack the top 4. We just aren't ready yet. The push this season has been exciting and brought me more joy than I can remember, but it just isn't going to happen. Liverpool and Manchester City will finish above us. Man City will be the ones to claim the final Champions League spot with Liverpool finally dropping out. This could be the beginning of the end for Liverpool. Without the Champs League money, Gillette/Hicks will be in an awful position financially and I find it hard to believe they won't be forced into selling a few of their best assets. After watching our two games against Aston Villa, we are easily the better squad. The results didn't show that, but it's true. They will take seventh with Everton and Fulham behind.

My cousin predicts Everton and Fulham to climb ahead of Tottenham. Let me counter that almost insane prophecy. Both clubs are in the Europa League. What does that mean? It means a lot of traveling to far away places and playing more matches with squads getting thinner and thinner. Everton just lost Fellaini and will soon lose Donovan. Both players have been instrumental in their recent success. Everton is better prepared to handle injuries than Fulham. Fulham is still alive in the FA Cup as well. You know you are in a bad spot when you are hoping Danny Murphy stays healthy. How in the hell are they doing so well with him pulling the strings in midfield? Is Fulham where former Spurs flops go to revive their career. Zamora, Murphy, Davies, Kelly???? Shit, even Konchesky suited up for us for a brief time. I digress...Both clubs are too far down the table and both have European matches hanging over their heads. They don't have the squads to make the huge push it would take.

So here it is, my top 10 at the end of the season. It looks almost identical to how the table looks now:

Chelski
Manure
ARSEnal
Money Bags Man City
GoodbyeTrophiesAndChampionsLeaguePool
Tottenham
Aston Villians
Donovanton
Tottenham's Second Squad
Just Plain Boring as Shit Birmingham

A Brother's Rant on Champions League

Not to be bitter about our latest string of results but here is some food for thought. I am not really sure I want Spurs to be in the Champions League if it means I have to listen to that damned Champions League song when I watch them. What an asinine song! This must be a European thing but they don't even play their national anthems before games...they just play that stupid song that is some boys' choir repeating the word "champions." I don't particularly reach for a Heineken when I need my thirst quenched but when I was in France on business, I actually found it to taste better than the import we get over here. No mas! I am going to boycott Heineken until that get that f'ing song off their commercials. Hmmm, now that I think about it, that Heineken commercial with the walk-in closet full of beer was actually pretty good but I don't think I am going to drink Heineken anyway...unless it is the only beer available wherever I go. As I watch Sky Sports News I see that Everton's Fellaini just got the same ankle injury that Robin Van Persie has...I wonder if Fellaini is going to rub horse placenta on his ankle!

One more Spurs thought...Ledley King needs to be put down and Sebastian Bassong needs to come back. One more thought...I do think Arry's current tax problems are affecting his coaching decisions. Discuss...

-Royal Polk Gordon IV

Official Censure

After jinxing the team, I have now placed myself on official censure for the next 4 days. I blame myself for the team's performances of late and my comments have only fueled the other teams' fire.

Wolverhampton

Ok ok, I was wrong about Palacios scoring but let me explain what went wrong. I revealed my relevation about Palacios to my cousin Will around 9:30 am. It was a full two hours before the Aston Villa match. I received a text back a few minutes later declaring that he would rather have Jozy Altidore score. Within the next 10 minutes, Altidore buried one. So...instead of Palacios obliging Will, Altidore stood up and stole Will's request. I can't be faulted for that.

As for the game tomorrow, Spurs 3-1. The odds of us using a sub: 1 to 1.